“The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof, shit detector. This is the writer’s radar and all great writers have had it.” — Hemingway
Style or “voice” is probably the most common excuse for bad writing. Perhaps you can hear yourself or friend saying the following:
“But you’re supposed to have your own unique voice.”
“I like long descriptive passages; after all, Dickens did it.”
“That’s just who I am.”
To an extent, these defenses are true. However, just as a speech teacher wants you to practice your delivery, so to in writing. Practicing your writing can help discipline your speech. If your voice is laden with unnecessary words, readers will skim and lose focus. While the following passage might be your speaking voice and grammatically correct, it will fatigue readers.
“You know, I believe that the way a tall building puts its shadows on the streets, especially in mighty big cities like say, New York, well, that means that we live in an overpopulated world and like, you will see that in my characters, you know, because they are like sad all the time.”
If you use “you know” or “like” while telling a joke or relating a funny story at a cocktail party, your risk ruining it, your audience escaping to get another drink. If vernacular is essential to your character, it needs to become part of a compelling narrative. Writing compelling narrative using dialect is difficult. It must be done consciously. Know the “rules” before you break them. Obviously, Twain knew the conventions of writing before he wrote Huck Finn.
Adverbs, Adjectives, and Abstract Nouns
Writing guides often implore you to avoid adverbs, adjectives, and abstract nouns. Use them only if (adverb alert) absolutely necessary. Or should I write, “Use them only if necessary”? Is the use of “absolutely” necessary? You decide. Sometimes it isn’t easy, is it?
Adjectives can weigh down your prose. For example, the weary, dirty, and disheveled soldiers shoved the painted red, pink, and blue heavy steel cannonball into the big broken barrel of the wrecked Frigate ship caught on the wide long sandbar.
Abstract nouns often cause you to “tell” when you should “show.” He became anxious because she was so confident and he adored her. He was amazed first, but then got angry. She turned away in contempt, and then became amused at his surprise. She felt contentment flow over her and was happy that she was leaving.
If you made it through the examples without skimming, congratulations. I wrote them but I have trouble reading them. Omit adjectives, adverbs and abstract nouns. Allow only those you can justify.
Imagery: metaphor and simile
After you’ve omitted your adjectives, adverbs, and abstract nouns, you may feel that your concrete prose doesn’t measure up to the complexities of the situation. You may need to use imagery.
“He opened the trunk and found a blanket that smelled like gasoline.” Clearly, this conveys more than writing that the blanket smelled bad, bitter, sharp, or acrid.
From the same story, “Hazards of Bat Guano,” I use simile for a slightly more complex sensation, “Carla stared at him in a way that made him feel like a grade-school student.”
And from the Pushcart nominated story “The Wells Creek Route” — “The decade was closing like the doors to a weeklong party, a youthful endorphin dance into adulthood.”
Metaphors are of course similes without “like” or “as.” My favorite comes from Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. “My mother is a fish.”
Be careful of overdoing both simile and metaphor. They can divert the reader. Had I elaborated on how my character felt as a grade school student, the story would have veered from a stream into a classroom.
Qualifiers: often, almost, quite, rather, very, little, pretty
Unless you are creating a quite pretentious character, or you are a little pretentious yourself, you would be pretty wise to avoid these rather antiquated, often misused, and almost useless qualifiers. If you do use them, you should have a very good reason.
Is it better to omit “very” and write, “You should have a good reason”?
Or perhaps I should cut more. “You should have a reason.”
Or “You should have reason.” No, that changes the meaning.
The process can be maddening. So, after agonizing over every qualifier, move on. Return to your natural voice.
Familiar, Short, and Single Words
Don’t use a twenty-dollar word when a five-dollar word works just as well. Only use the expensive word when it clearly works better. If you are pondering a situation, make sure you’re not merely thinking. For example, Jack pondered about Sally’s lipstick. If your character is hiking through deep snow, don’t write that she is proceeding through the snow. (Unless it’s dialogue and your character is an officious cop.)
When Sally hopped in her car, got out onto the road and steered the entire way to Jack’s house, she drove to Jack’s house.
Activity: Revise the following passage, omitting unnecessary adjectives, adverbs, abstract nouns, qualifiers, and big words. Add a simile or a metaphor or both.
“Full of apprehension, Alice wordlessly proceeded over to him, and became breathlessly excited. She puffed softly and almost soundlessly on his big, bulging, and tanned neck. But Jack stood, feeling pretty tired, gazing firmly at the broken vase, pondering very ominously and rather sadly about her overly anxious demeanor. She quietly stood just a little over him, quite close, but still apprehensive, perhaps worrying too much and beginning to get the feeling that quite possibly he might not reciprocate her emotion.”
Avoid Sentimentality
Writers, especially beginning writers, often feel their experiences are so unique that they write as if the reader is an idiot.
“He couldn’t think of anyone else but Cathy. She was the center of his universe, the light of his life, and the love of his life, and he thought he would never be in love again like that. Love felt so good and whole that it completed him. His love was everything. Oh, he loved Cathy, and wanted to know why she left him even after he wrote his love poem and told her he couldn’t be a complete person without her.”
Even assuming that the reader has never been in love, does the passage convey, or attempt to convey, the complexities of being in love? This might work in dialogue as part of characterization, but shouldn’t drag on too long. I remember a fellow college student (long ago) whom I barely knew, his voice from the adjacent bathroom stall, gushing about how much he loved his girlfriend.
When writers become self-absorbed, they often sound whiney and use cliches. While they may feel their emotion deeply, the reader feels false emotion. Sincerity is the key to life. Once you learn how to fake that you’ve got it made.
Music and Poetry
My basic composition students are, as you might expect, clumsy writers. They need to understand that creating a thesis and essay map is like dancing. A is better than B because of one, two and three, or A causes B because of one, two and three.
If you are a good dancer, you will avoid stepping on your partner’s toes. Some brilliant writers create complex prose that delights us with symphonic choreography. However, they also know the basic one-two-three waltz. And they dance to it naturally. (Likely you recognize the extended metaphor.)
Think of your words as lyrics. Try writing poetry. Prose can benefit from internal rhyme. However, good poets avoid using words solely because they rhyme. Forced rhyme is fake rhyme.
Activity: Read your writing aloud. Listen for rhythm. Rewrite clumsy passages.
